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My eyes caught sight of the strangely-blue letters: ‘Beaconhouse School System A’Level Johar Town Campus’, a place that would be my second home for the next 2 years.
Not even a few weeks later, on my way to the first class, with a bounce to my steps, I felt like I was already one step closer to my goals. I was free! To dream. To choose. To weave my future.
I had always been moved by the influence of words and images. How they can change the perception of millions and open up a whole new paradox.
Of the stories and lives of this world. It was this overwhelming power that inspired me to study Media and English in my A’levels. “Finally! I can express me true self now”, I thought. But what we think is seldom what we get.
The two years that were supposed to channel the creative beast within me, in reality, traumatized me and took out the life from my imagination. They made me question my dreams.
‘Do I really want to study this?’ ‘Is this really how it will be in the real world?’
I felt burdened, lost and utterly hopeless.
I had received 4/5 acceptances from British universities. However, they were conditional offers. The condition: good grades. That was another headache for me. Will I score enough in the CIEs? What if my university choice withdraws its offer? Do I study locally? Will I even be able to go abroad? What do I even want to study? All these questions and many more left me awake at night.
In every single meeting with friends or family, two questions would always seem to pop up: “Have you decided what you’re going to do yet?” or “When are you going to plan your future?!” Over and over and over again.
That was the breaking point for me.
And so, as a victim of the education system and its ability to diminish everything within everyone, in summer’18, I decided to take a gap year.
At that moment, I felt like I had made the best decision of my life. But what others saw was a completely different image. An image that was way out of my world.
‘What?! Are you crazy?! What will you do for a whole year?!’, ‘You’ll be left behind in your studies and your career. Do you really think that’s wise?’, ‘No one ever does anything in gap years. You’ll be sitting at home watching TV shows, eating, or sleeping all day, all year!’
But I silently promised myself to not let the voice of others drown out my own. And to make this a year to be remembered.
Evidently, I started an internship with Maati TV, learning the basics of film editing, research, subtitling, transcription and article writing. But it wasn’t enough. I wanted to reach more people. To touch their lives. To inspire them. To make them laugh and smile.
And so, I created my first blog. (With the most unoriginal name, I might add.) I wrote endless stories and shared them wherever I could. Moreover, I decided to put my undying love for nature and its wonders to use: a photography blog to share the beauty of this world.
Dying to channel my soul and the ‘fashionista’ inside of me, I publicized my personal Instagram blog to share the grace of modest clothing, thinking and living. The element of faith that I had always wanted to incorporate in my daily life became a habit for me. I dug deeper into the roots of Islam and what it really means.
I took this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to reflect, think, grow and become enlightened.
I also took this time to fix my lifestyle, believe it or not. I started by doing yoga, (which always made me and continues to make me SO sleepy) and Zumba (a fancy term for aerobics), eating healthily (no fried food, no junk food, etc) and sleeping on time.
Healthy body + healthy mind = happy life
One might think that doing so many things at once must have stressed me out even more. On the contrary, they helped me develop more skills and realize my purpose. For the first time in my 19 years, I began to truly understand myself and enjoy life.
So, to those of you who are considering a gap year, the point of telling you all that I’ve done is not to receive praises and ‘wow’s.
It’s to make every one of you realize that a gap year does not have to be a ‘waste’ or a ‘mistake’, as long as you make the most of it. Use this time to really think about what you want to do, why you’re here and who you truly are. These might sound like the cheesiest questions but they’re also the most important ones. And as for what the society says regarding this matter, pretend to listen and go ahead and do what you were going to do in the first place.
cover image via bbc.co.uk
tags: acceptances accepting be better be more binging blogging break breaking stereotypes creativity determination drive education in pakistan faith gap year gramming health routine imagination inspiration instagram lazy limitations limits mistakes Pakistani society productivity reading restrictions self defense society summers taboos taekwondo teenagers tv shows university will work out workshops writing yoga
