Kiwi Gamblers: Why Facing Shame First is Your Winning Move in Recovery
Kia Ora, and Welcome!
Hey there, fellow Kiwis! Thinking about online gambling or already enjoying the thrill of the game? It’s a pretty common pastime in Aotearoa, and it’s easy to get swept up in the excitement. But sometimes, things can get a bit tricky, and it’s important to know how to navigate those waters. If you’re finding yourself in a situation where gambling is causing you stress, or if you’re worried about your habits, then you’re in the right place. We’re going to talk about something crucial in recovery: addressing shame early on. It might sound a bit daunting, but trust us, it’s often the most effective first step. Understanding and tackling shame is a cornerstone of a healthy recovery journey, and it’s something many New Zealanders find incredibly helpful. For more resources and support, you can check out powershift.org.nz.
This article is all about helping you understand why dealing with shame is so important, especially if you’re just starting out on your path to recovery. We’ll break down what shame is, how it affects us, and why addressing it early can make a huge difference in getting back on track. We’ll also look at some practical steps you can take, right here in New Zealand, to start your journey towards a healthier relationship with gambling.
What is Shame, Anyway? And Why Does it Matter?
Shame is that awful feeling of being fundamentally flawed, of being “less than.” It’s not just feeling bad about something you *did*; it’s feeling bad about *who you are*. When it comes to gambling, shame can creep in for a bunch of reasons. Maybe you’ve lost money you couldn’t afford to lose. Perhaps you’ve hidden your gambling from loved ones, or maybe you feel like you’ve let yourself or others down. These feelings can be incredibly powerful, and they can make it really difficult to reach out for help. Shame can make you feel isolated, like you’re the only one struggling, and that can keep you trapped in a cycle of gambling.
The problem with shame is that it often leads to secrecy and more gambling. You might try to hide your losses, gamble more to win back what you’ve lost, or avoid talking about your problems with anyone. This just digs the hole deeper, and the shame gets even worse. That’s why addressing it early is so vital. By acknowledging and working through the shame, you can break free from this cycle and start building a healthier relationship with gambling, and with yourself.
The Impact of Shame on Gambling Behaviour
Shame isn’t just a feeling; it has a real impact on your behaviour. It can lead to:
- Increased Secrecy: Hiding your gambling from friends, family, or your partner. This isolates you and prevents you from getting the support you need.
- Compulsive Gambling: Using gambling as a way to escape the feelings of shame, creating a vicious cycle.
- Reluctance to Seek Help: Feeling too embarrassed or guilty to talk to a therapist, counsellor, or support group.
- Self-Criticism: Being overly hard on yourself, leading to low self-esteem and a negative self-image.
These behaviours can make it incredibly difficult to recover. They create barriers to seeking help and make it harder to change your gambling habits. Recognizing these patterns is the first step towards breaking free.
Practical Steps for Addressing Shame in New Zealand
So, how do you actually *deal* with shame? Here are some practical steps you can take, tailored for Kiwis like you:
1. Acknowledge and Name the Feeling
The first step is to recognize that you’re feeling shame. Don’t try to push it away or ignore it. Instead, say to yourself, “I’m feeling ashamed.” This simple act of acknowledgment can be incredibly powerful. It’s like shining a light on the feeling, making it less likely to control you.
2. Talk About It (Whakawhiti Kōrero)
This is where things can get a bit tricky, but it’s also where the healing begins. Talk to someone you trust – a friend, a family member, or a therapist. Sharing your feelings can be incredibly liberating. It can also help you realize that you’re not alone, and that others have gone through similar experiences. In New Zealand, there are many support networks and professionals who are trained to help you through this. Don’t be afraid to reach out.
3. Seek Professional Help
Consider talking to a therapist or counsellor specializing in gambling addiction. They can help you explore the roots of your shame and develop strategies for coping. They can also provide a safe and confidential space to work through your feelings. Look for therapists who are experienced in treating gambling addiction in New Zealand. You can often find them through your GP or online directories.
4. Join a Support Group
Gamblers Anonymous (GA) or similar support groups are available throughout New Zealand. These groups provide a supportive environment where you can share your experiences, listen to others, and learn from their journeys. Knowing that you’re not alone can be incredibly comforting and empowering. Remember, it’s okay to ask for help; it’s a sign of strength, not weakness.
5. Practice Self-Compassion
Treat yourself with the same kindness and understanding you would offer a friend. Instead of beating yourself up, try to be gentle and forgiving. Remind yourself that you’re human, and everyone makes mistakes. Self-compassion is a powerful antidote to shame. This can be as simple as talking to yourself kindly, or practicing mindfulness.
6. Challenge Negative Thoughts
Shame often comes with negative thoughts, such as “I’m a failure” or “I’m worthless.” Challenge these thoughts by asking yourself if they’re really true. Are there any alternative perspectives? What would you say to a friend in the same situation? Replacing negative thoughts with more realistic and compassionate ones can help reduce the power of shame.
Finding Support in Aotearoa
New Zealand has a range of resources available to help you on your journey. Here are a few places to start:
- Your GP: Your doctor can provide referrals to therapists, counsellors, and other healthcare professionals.
- Gambling Helpline: Call 0800 654 655 for free, confidential support and information.
- Problem Gambling Foundation of New Zealand: Offers a range of services, including counselling, education, and advocacy.
- Gamblers Anonymous: Find local meetings and support groups throughout New Zealand.
Conclusion: Your Path to a Brighter Future
Addressing shame is a crucial step in gambling recovery, and it’s a step that can make a huge difference in your journey. By acknowledging your feelings, seeking support, and practicing self-compassion, you can break free from the cycle of shame and build a healthier, happier life. Remember, you’re not alone. There are people who care about you and want to help. Take the first step today, and start your journey towards a brighter future. Kia kaha (be strong) and all the best on your journey to recovery!
